I’ve come to my last resort. My blog has become that. Whenever i feel like useless and bored and lonely and <insert whatever emotion you want> i come here. I seek safe haven on my blogs arms.
Inferring to my earlier post about WAITING, its just gotten worse. It is like something is so close yet so far. That feeling i am unable to describe using words. The moods change in micro seconds. I try to laugh it off, not think about it, switch off completely, but evermore being reminded one way or the other. It’s hard t take my mind off that cos i am hardly doing anything the past few days. The long holidays have left me with nothing much to do, even at office it been one of those weeks where there is nothing much to do. I wanted to keep myself occupied by talking to people, friends, family, random people, the conversations sometimes felt forced because mostly i’d just like to listen and not talk. Everything seems Empty. I hope my thoughts were that now. I just have too much running on my mind. What comes before, what comes after. Understanding that frustration is not going to lead me anywhere isn’t exactly helping because i am getting frustrated. I say to myself its just a matter of time(just a few more hours if not days).
To you the outsider, i might come across as a patient and not worried about sh*t guy(and actually i always seem to kinda pull it off), but believe me, a volcano is brewing inside me, it is mostly if not always dormant. I have no control over it, but the trauma of the past few weeks at work and this thing is already taking its toll. I feel its already spewing ash inside me. And i definetly know few of my close friends are already feeling the heat while talking to me. I do not want to be that guy you know, that guy who is annoying always with his volcanic ash spewing, so i try to minimize it to the maximum(wow, i just created a pun). Saying all this, even if i try i cant be serious for long. That’s kinda my nature. when a conversation is good, i’d like to keep it good. No volcanic ash spewing there. But then, conversations like that are few and far in between. So my blog finally bears the brunt of my everything.
I think I’ve already spewed so much ash that my blog will take days to recover. I’ll leave you with this, couple of quotes from The Shawshank Redemption comes to mind right now ;
Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.
Maybe my hope is driving me insane, but i never want to lose that hope, however bad it may lead to because that statement was never true.
Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
It has always been this. And now i sincerely hope that all what i have hoped happens. But first, i would like the wait to end. POSITIVELY!
I do not know how shattered i will be if it doesn’t(although i would never show it). But let’s not go that road. Shall we.